Archive for August 2003
Orbevator.
August 31, 2003, 12:27 pm
Idiot #1 - Me
Idiot #2 - Darcey
Idiot #3 - Toren
It’s hard to say where these things start. In this case, it started with my team’s programmers thinking about stuff other than our current project. Programmers, you see, are big on problem solving - but they spend all day thinking in very linear, logical programming terms, so every once and awhile we’ll catch them thinking up stupid shit, presumably to keep from going insane. For example, they wondered if it would be possible to push a hard foam rubber ball into a water cooler jug, it’s opening half the size of the ball (the answer is yes. I got dragged into that one as well, but that’s another story.)
This time I wandered by as they were setting up three exercise balls in a row. Exercise balls are those big rubber balls meant for, well, exercising, but somewhere along the line people thought would make great office seats (I’m still not convinced.) I asked, naturally, what they were doing - and they showed me. With a short step, Steve launched himself across the three balls, rolling nearly the length of the room (and into the far wall.) Well, that certainly looked like fun, and of course I got pulled into it again. This escalated to a five-ball attempt this past Friday (Me, Steve, and Darcey - pictured above - have each managed a top of 4. I almost, almost managed 5 balls.) Hey, we’d finished our milestone, it was time to relax.
The fancy name is Spheroid Transpot System and when you’ve had a couple of post-milestone beers you think Belly Bally Slide is hilarious, but the common term is The Orbevator - as in elevators, escalators, movators, and now orbevators.
The principle is simple - just like Egyptian slaves rolling massive slabs of rock across a series of logs, all we’re doing here is rolling across the balls. Only it’s totally unstable and way more fun. And there’s no whipping.
HOW-TO
Ok, you’re on your own with this one. I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY INJURIES INCURRED OR DAMAGE CAUSED. When you’re make an attempt, even with three balls, you’re moving very fast as the balls absorb some of your forward energy as you move into them, but then push it back into you as you leave them, so your speed bleeds off relatively slowly. And the more energy you throw into the line (in order to traverse longer series of balls), the more it’ll hurt if you hit the wall, a by-stander, or a corner. Take my word for it. I RECOMMEND NOT PLAYING, BUT IF YOU MUST, PLAY SAFE.
First you’ll need at least two balls, set in a line. Place them in a line in a clear area. Hallways are good as they are usually clear of obstructions - but they do occasionally have little corners sticking out, so be careful - we deal with this by placing spotters at nasty spots. Like Darcey says. “Better a kick to a spotter’s nuts than someone getting their head cracked.” Well said. While we’re on the subject, I took to wearing a hockey helmet for the 5 ball attempt. Safety first kids.
The balls should be placed approx. one meter and a half apart. We haven’t found the perfect distance yet, as the size of the person going can alter the equation slightly, but start at a meter and a half.
Try some careful, slow practice rolls first, as a lot of this is controlled by feel, not to mention you’ll be able to safely test the distance between the balls. And why does this matter? Simple. If they’re too close together, the following happens;
1. You roll onto a ball and you’re having fun.
2. You’re still mostly on the first ball when it reaches the next ball and the two touch. You’re still having fun and don’t realize yet that the two rubber balls have begun to grip one another.
3. The first ball begins to ride up the second ball, the second ball stuck in place by your weight pushing forward on it, and the first ball pushing it down. You catch a quick glimpse of terror in the eyes of people watching and you suddenly need to pee.
4. Stuck between you and the second ball, with a whack-load of kinetic energy getting turned into potential energy, the first ball needs to go someplace, with is promptly out. You get thrown up and back and the first ball flings off in a random direction at half the speed of sound. You’ll be lucky if it does decapitate an officemate or punt a computer monitor off a desk and through a window. I’m not kidding - there is that much energy released.
So, you’d better practice carefully to get a good idea how far apart to space the balls. What if they’re too far apart, you ask? Well, either you come to an abrupt finish, like any other finish, a few balls too soon or you start to roll onto the next balls, but your weight is more between the balls than on either of them, which could cause a strain on your back, so again, be careful. Better yet, DON’T TRY THIS STUNT EVER! TAKE UP BADMINTON!
There is no good way to dismount at the end of a series, but I’m partial to the tuck and roll, just like you’re doing a summersault. Hey, whatever works.
Like riding a bike, you’ll stay upright and moving forward as long as you have forward motion. The minute you lose it, you’ll go to one side or the other. So, the further and straighter you want to go, the more forward motion you’ll need. Again, some easy, slow practice runs will help you get a feel for the speed you’ll need. Too much speed and you’re going to dismount really hard at the end. When I tried for 5, I needed a good couple of steps launch. With only three balls, for comparison, you don’t need any steps, just jump forward like gently diving into a pool (arms out and everything.)
And that’s that. You’ll find that the balls are difficult to place, as they want to roll around. I’ve gotten pretty good at balancing them on office carpet (burber) and I have a half baked idea for stabalizing them, but in a pinch or a hurry, provided there’s space, you can always get by-standers or spotters to hold the sides with a finger, like a football player holding the ball for a kick. Just remind them to keep the hell out of your way.
And on that note, DON’T EVER TRY THIS!
—castewar | Comments Off
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